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Napoleon Dynamite : I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up! Uncle Rico : I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now. While you're out there playing patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is makin' bucks. Napoleon Dynamite : I could make that much money in five seconds! Kip : Geez. Yeah right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today. Uncle Rico : Napoleon, it's looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina. Napoleon Dynamite : Why don't you go eat a decroded piece of crap!

Napoleon Dynamite : Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec? Secretary No. Napoleon Dynamite : I don't feel very good. Kip : [making nachos on the other side of the line] Hi. Napoleon Dynamite : Is grandma there? Kip : No, she's getting her hair done. Napoleon Dynamite : Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Kip : What do you need? Napoleon Dynamite : Can you just go get her for me? Kip : I'm really busy right now. Napoleon Dynamite : Just tell her to come get me. Kip : Why? Napoleon Dynamite : Cause I don't feel good!

Kip : Well, have you talked to the school nurse? Napoleon Dynamite : No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me? Kip : No.

Napoleon Dynamite : Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick? Kip : No, Napoleon. Napoleon Dynamite : But my lips hurt real bad!

Kip : Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer. Napoleon Dynamite : I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko! Kip : See ya. Napoleon Dynamite : Uh! Deb : Um, hello. Would you like to look like this? Napoleon Dynamite : [Napoleon takes the photo and looks at it] This is a girl.

Napoleon Dynamite : I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin' Corral. Deb : Well, maybe you'd be interested in some home-woven handicrafts? Deb And here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion.

Napoleon Dynamite : I already made like infinity of those at scout camp. Kip : It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, right. Kip : It works, Napoleon.

You don't even know. Napoleon Dynamite : Have you guys tried it yet? Kip : [reluctantly] No. Napoleon Dynamite : I like your sleeves. They're real big. Deb : Thank you. I made them myself. Napoleon Dynamite : So are you and Pedro getting really serious now?

Deb : No. We're just friends. Kip : [Napoleon has Kip in a sleeper-hold] Ow! Ah geez! Napoleon Dynamite : What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' at my girlfriend's house? Kip : Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruisin' my neck meat! Napoleon Dynamite : Fine! Napoleon Dynamite : What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a freakin' idiot? Kip : I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico. Geez, I think you ripped my mole off. Napoleon Dynamite : I did?

Kip : Yeah, is it bleeding? Napoleon Dynamite : A little bit. Napoleon Dynamite : Lucky. Napoleon Dynamite : Ugh. Kip hasn't done flipping anything today! Napoleon Dynamite : Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now. Pedro : Why? Pedro : Do you have anything to give to her? Napoleon Dynamite : No. Not unless she likes fish. Napoleon Dynamite : [speaking to Pedro and Deb] Are you guys having a killer time?

Deb : Yes. Napoleon Dynamite : Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home. Uncle Rico : She didn't tell me anything. Napoleon Dynamite : Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.

Uncle Rico : I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon. Napoleon Dynamite : Get off my property! Uncle Rico : It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.

Napoleon Dynamite : Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you. Uncle Rico : Well then do it! Go on! Pedro : Have you asked anybody yet? Napoleon Dynamite : No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills. Pedro : What do you mean?

Napoleon Dynamite : You know, like numchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills! Pedro : Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff? Napoleon Dynamite : Yes Probably the best that I know of. Pedro : Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out Napoleon Dynamite : That's a pretty good idea.

Napoleon Dynamite : So, we're pretty much friends by now, right? Pedro : Yes. Napoleon Dynamite : So, you got my back and everything, right? Pedro : What? Napoleon Dynamite : Never mind. Napoleon Dynamite : Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore. Pedro : Did you draw her a picture? Napoleon Dynamite : Heck yes I did! Napoleon Dynamite : That one's good. It looks like a medieval warrior. Napoleon Dynamite : Hey, is that a new kid or something?

Pedro : If I win, you can be my secretary or something. Napoleon Dynamite : Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard, too. Or like, Secret Service Captain, or Napoleon Dynamite : My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn't cause she's doing some modeling right now. Napoleon Dynamite : See for yourself. Pedro : Wow. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots for her birthday one year. Pedro : I like her bangs. Napoleon Dynamite : Me too.

Napoleon Dynamite : Who are you? Randy voice. Super Show! Eagle Claw. Napoleon voice. Deb Show all 6 episodes. Napoleon Dynamite. Jon Heder. Show all 9 episodes. Show all 8 episodes. Drex Greene. Show all 22 episodes. Joel Malone. Hide Show Producer 7 credits. Machine executive producer delayed. Hide Show Soundtrack 2 credits. Hide Show Thanks 1 credit. Hide Show Self 68 credits. TV Special Shipwrecked Ron. Self - Guest. Self - Judge. Kofi Self - Presenter.

TV Series Self - Episode 4. Self - Guest Host. Self - Special Guest. Hide Show Archive footage 4 credits. Related Videos. See more ». Publicity Listings: 1 Interview 3 Articles See more ». Official Sites: Cameo Instagram See more ». Height: 6' 1" 1. Spouse: Kirsten Heder 3 children. He was at Miami for five seasons, one of which was a redshirt and another a medical redshirt. He transferred to CSU for the season.

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