Who said meanings are in people not in words

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Notify me of new posts via email. Main menu Skip to content. Mission Statement. Share this: Twitter Facebook. Like this: Like Loading A shift response involves an attempt to guide the conversation toward your life experiences, and away from the experiences of the person you're ostensibly listening to and perhaps even trying to help. A support response sets aside your ego, and instead keeps the focus on the other person's feelings and experience.

A few examples will make this very clear. In each case below, just imagine that a friend or colleague opens a conversation with the highlighted statement. Then think about how each response would make him or her feel.

Derber calls the whole phenomenon, at least the part in which well-meaning people shift the discussion to their own experience, "conversational narcissism.

As Justin puts it in his book, the successful strategy to communicate effectively and leverage emotional intelligence requires avoiding phrases like these:.

Actually, I might take issue even with "I can imagine how you may feel. Just remember that the whole point here is to acknowledge how hard it is to really put yourself in someone else's shoes, and instead make clear that you have empathy. You're trying to understand--even as you acknowledge that full success might not ever be possible.

The tr ue connection that you're both looking for comes with the well-communicated attempt. Top Stories. Top Videos. Getty Images. The words hit me like a hurricane: "I know how you feel. So don't say, "I know how you feel. Shift response: "I went through the exact same thing last year.

I wound up leaving and finding a better job. What makes you feel that way?